Outnumber
by bwilbur
Summary: So, what led to the insanity that was FFX-2? Lotsa fluffy Lulu glomping, of course! a LuluTidusRikkuYunaKimahriWakkaAuronSeymourCidBrother "love decagon."


Author's Notes: This is an ode to the loveliness that is FFX and the on-cracked-ness that is FFX-2. I just got FFX-2, and it reminds me of Sailor Moon, Pokemon, AND FFX combined. Wowwwwee.

This may seem like a FFX fic at first, but I need to build up on some plot before I enter the world of FFX-2. Yey.

_________________________

Besaid.

Tidus waded through the currents running smoothly through the ocean-blue water. The gentle zephyrs blew Tidus' sun-kissed bangs away from his eyes, allowing him full view of the Besaidian beaches. The sand almost glowed in the warm sunlight… and Tidus absolutely adored bright, shiny objects… preferably metallic pink in color. Anyway.

Besaid was nothing short of beautiful. It had barely been a day since Tidus' fate blessed him into coming to a random place such as Besaid, but nonetheless, he loved it there.

Besaid.

"'Ey! Tidus!" Tidus looked back, seeing the blitzball captain he befriended earlier calling his name. What was his name? Wakkauf? Tidus giggled. What a silly name. Wakkauf. He giggled again. "Why don't you come into the village now? It'll get dark out soon and you wouldn't wanna eat my world-renown Shoopuf gumbo all cold, ya?"

_Shoopuf? What's a shoopuf?_

"Tidus? Tidus!"

"What?" Tidus yelled out from the ocean. Tidus was glancing at Wakkauf's hair with mild interest. It was pointy and was, from a distance, metallic pink.

"I thought you dazed out right there, ya? Well, I'm glad you're okay. But c'mon and get a move on! Time is money, ya?"

At that, Tidus swam toward him. "Alrighty," Tidus said, smiling cheerfully at Wakkauf. Wakkauf smiled back and ran toward the Besaidian jungles. Tidus followed closely behind.

The jungles, opposed to being muggy, humid, and disgustingly damp, were cool and, like the beaches, beautiful. Besaid was like a tropical paradise in the middle of nowhere, sans the duty shopping and commercialism. 

Besaid!

Tidus continued following Wakkauf and he watched his large cowlick bob up and down while they trudged through evergreen brush, all growing within the vicinity of a waterfall. It was nothing short of breathtaking. _Did "Sin" really destroy Besaid?_ Tidus thought to himself. Besaid looked like an undisturbed utopia. _Or! Maybe weathering and erosion over the elapsed "1000" years grow in to give Besaid such natural scenery. Yea, that must be it. Maybe I'll ask him…_

"Wakkauf," he said as they passed below the waterfall. He stopped and turned to face him.

"Excuse me?" he said in a befuddled tone of voice.

_Oh great. What did I do wrong this time? I better not embarrass myself in front of him, like how I embarrassed myself in front of Rikku… but damn, she was hot. Hehe. I—_

"Riiiiiiiiikku…" Tidus said, cutting off his own thoughts. Tidus recalled her peculiar attire - her swimsuit was shiny, and her head gear was metallic pink. AND! Rikku's asscheeks were covered in a skin-like hide. …Or was that actually her real ass? Regardless, she had a big ass. 

Tidus was sent into a temporary state of nirvana as he envisioned an imaginary conversation with Rikku concerning her ass.

_"'Hey, Rikku, can I touch your ass?'_

_'Sure thing Tidus, only if I could touch yours!' he nods in a bold manner as Rikku pokes his ass. 'Wow, your ass is bouncy… I like a guy with a bouncy ass…………… kiss me and make passionate love with me under the romantic moonlig—'"_

"HEY! Tidus? You alright?" Tidus' daydream was interrupted by Wakkauf, who was shaking him away from his slight doze. Tidus blinked and looked up. "What's up wit' you, ya?"

"Oh, I… It was Sin's toxin…" Tidus nodded dumbly, as if trying to assure Wakkauf that that was the truth. "Yep. Sin's toxin. Sin's toxin!"

Wakka regarded Tidus with concern. "Ya? What about Sin's toxin?"

"…Nothing?..." he blinked, _again_. Wakkauf shrugged it off and continued walking to the village.

The trail that led to the village turned into a steep hill, scattered with weathered, shiny, and colorful pebbles. The humble yet awe-striking village reminded Tidus of a Lego set he once had as a kid. It quickly triggered memories of his childhood…

**FLASHBACK**

_Tidus sat in his living room, setting up all of his different Lego sets together, creating a motley fantasy world that consisted of spaceships, castles, blitzball arenas, and his personal favorite Lego-themed set, Hawaiian huts and palm trees, which his mom had bought him for his most recent birthday. After killing hours upon hours setting his scenery, Tidus stood back and regarded his setting proudly. _

_"Wat can't be bettar den moi Hawaiian legos wiv moi otha legos?" Tidus asked himself. At that, Tidus started to add in dolls in the scenery. Wizards, knights, blitzers, and surfer dudes, all conveniently accompanied with add-ons – swords, knives, guns, blitzballs, wands, pitchforks, nunchucks, etc. As Tidus reached in his Lego set for another figurine, he encountered a Lego action figure that looked suspiciously like his dad. It had a cocky grin planted on its face, and shaggy hippy hair. Tidus suspiciously eyed the Lego toy. It was his dad, wasn't it? Tidus regained his composure and then gave the toy an evil glare. Damn it, his dad ALWAYS came to haunt him in any form possible!_

_And this made little Tidus mad._

_"I HATE YOU!" Tidus yelled. He started stomping on the toy, which broke into smaller, sharp pieces. Little did young Tidus know that Jecht was spying on him from the other room. Jecht, somewhat hurt by Tidus' reaction to his custom-made Lego toy he slipped in the set hours before, walked up to Tidus, clearly enraged, but keeping his temper in check._

_"Hey, son," Jecht said in a quiet, yet intimidating voice. Tidus looked up to him in obvious bravado. "What're you doing?"_

_Tidus didn't trust himself to respond, and continued staring into his father's blank eyes. When Tidus didn't respond immediately, Jecht directed his attention to the broken Lego toy. He picked up fragments of the toy._

_"Stomping on your Legos, eh?" Jecht asked. "I used to do that when I was a kid. Stomp on gifts that my 'rents gave me so graciously. Take every damn thing for granted. Be a little fucking bastard, that's what!" Jecht's voice became steadily louder, not unlike a suspense-ridden crescendo. _

_At that point, Tidus huddled into the corner of the living room. Don't cry… don't cry… don't cry… he kept saying to himself. I can't cry. I mustn't. Or else…_

_"What? Aw, is little Tidus gonna cry? Again? Like a fucking pansy? A PANSY?!??" at those words, Tidus exploded and the tears that formed at the edge of his eyes spilt out onto his cheeks. His usual tan complexion turned florid as he tried holding back the tears, but to no avail. Jecht smiled snidely at his son._

_"Hell, what a fucking waste of time and energy, to have a kid like you. Stomping on Legos. Ungrateful bastard. Well, I guess stomping on Legos IS a tad bit fun, huh? Right, Tidus?"_

_Tidus used his sleeve to wipe away his tears. He didn't respond._

_"I guess I'll take that as a yes, then," Jecht said. And at that, he started violently stomping on Tidus' figures and setting in which he spent hours setting up. Tidus flinched each time as his father's foot met with the sickening (yet satisfying, to Jecht) crunch of his precious Legos._

_'Childhood is temporary, and maturity is forever,' goes the famous adage. However, Tidus learned this the hard way, although his maturity **was** questionable. _

**END FLASHBACK**

Wakkauf was now far ahead of him. 

"Hey...- Hey, Wakkauf!" Tidus watched him stay rooted at the spot for a second, and then he turned back to Tidus.

"For the love of Yevon, why do you keep saying that?" he asked, irritated.

"Say what?" Tidus asked innocently. 

"Wakkauf? Wakkauf isn't my name, ya! My name is a little silly, but Tidus isn't anyway more ordinary!" 

At that, Tidus felt a tad bit stupid. "Oh… so, what IS your name? …Yea, Sin's toxin and all… y'know…"

Wakka gave a disgruntled groan. "I sympathize for you, brudda. Sin is evil, ya? Well, anyway, m'name's Wakka. Remember it now, ya?"

Tidus offered Wakka a fake, yet open smile. "Haha, okay, Wakka…"

_________________________

Wakka's hut was filled with the oddly evoking smell of tar. This seemed odd to Tidus, since Besaid was supposed to be machine free, right?

"Uh, what's that smell, Wakka?" Tidus asked. He feared something might have been wrong. 

"Oh, it's Shoopuf gumbo! I know, it smells good, ya?" Tidus shuddered. What exactly was Shoopuf?

"Uh, Wakka… what's Shoopuf?" Tidus said, holding his nose in disgust.

"What? You don't know what a Shoopuf is? Man, Sin's toxin probably hit you hard, ya? Well… a Shoopuf is something that swims very fast. It has a large nose and it's used as transportation, ya? And it tastes good, like sucking on chocobo feathers, ya!"

"Uhh… we're eating _meat_?" 

"Ya! Let's all dig in, ya?"

Tidus contorted his face in a sickening manner. Contrary to popular belief, Tidus was an animal rights activist back in Zanarkand. This brought another memory to Tidus' mind.

**FLASHBACK**

_It was Jecht's birthday, and under his request, the family had a family-outing at none other than McDonalds. Tidus immediately loved McDonalds. They had a playground! And some of it was pink! Tidus squealed in joy, and ran into the playground, only to be stopped by a ghastly looking man with long, long black hair covered in grease that clung onto rather large pieces of dandruff._

_"Hey kid," he tried his best to smile amiably. Tidus tried backing away. "No, I won't hurt you! I just want to ask you something…"_

_"My mommy told me not to talk to strangers," Tidus said innocently._

_"No, I'm not a stranger! I'm… your friend…" the man assured. "I just wanted to ask you something… do you like cows?"_

_"Yea, cows go 'moo!'" Tidus imitated a cow's moo and giggled at his impersonation._

_"What about chickens?"_

_"Chickens are cool! They go 'cock-a-doodle-dooooooooo~!' And they lay tons of eggs!" _

_"Well…" the man looked at Tidus gravely. "Did you know that a hamburger is a dead, cooked cow that was tortured with atrophy only to feed you?"_

_"Atrophy? Whassat?"_

_"Cows… chickens… we eat millions of them and millions are born, confined to a small space. Until we need them for food… it's just… wrong…"_

_Tidus was not sure he understood the man. "Do you mean that—"_

_"Tidus! Damn it, c'mere boy! Don't talk to grease monkeys like him!" Jecht called. Tidus looked back at the playground. He wasn't able to play the shiny balls in it. He pouted, and walked to his father._

_"'Atta boy, Tid. Now, I bought you some lean ole meat! Chicken nuggets! White meat, man. It's delicious!" Jecht handed him a box of chicken nuggets. Chicken nuggets. **CHICKEN** nuggets. Tidus quizically eyed the box._

_"Well? Why ain't you eating it, boy?" Jecht asked. Tidus looked up to his dad._

_"Daddy… what are chicken nuggets made out of?" _

_"…What do you think? Chicken! That's why they're called chicken nuggets, son…" _

_Tidus bit his lip. "So… I'm eating a chicken????" _

_Jecht grimaced. "Oh god. Of course yer eatin' a chicken! Chickens are good! I woul—"_

_"Daddy… if you were a chicken, would you eat yourself…?"_

_Jecht blinked. "What the hell? Boy, just eat yer damn nuggets!"_

_"NO!"_

_Jecht strained his voice. "Tidus… can you PLEASE eat ---"_

_"NO! NONONONONONO!!!!" he screamed at the top of his lungs. Everyone looked Tidus' way. The people behind the register studied Tidus. Tidus pointed at them._

_"You guys are murderers! What did chickens ever do to you?!?!?!?!" And without waiting for an answer, Tidus ran out to the parking lot, wailing._

**END FLASHBACK**

"NO!" he screamed. Wakka jolted back, afraid that Tidus would hit him, or something.

"What's wrong, brudda?"

"What has a shoopuf ever done to you!"

"I dunno, what HAS a shoopuf ever done to you?" an unfamiliar, cold voice said from behind Tidus. The voice made Tidus flinch – he turned slowly to see where it came from.

"Oh shit," Tidus muttered under his breath. A woman – one that looked like she was taken right out of a wet dream – stood in front of the two men. She wore a large, yet revealing dress. The only thing hiding her nipples from their naked eyes were lined furs of coyote fiends, and the only thing hiding her bare legs were chains upon chains of belts, giving a subtle view of lingerie she was wearing. 

_Damn…_ Tidus continued staring dumbly at her, his mouth wide open, drool forming at the base of it. 

"Chappu?" the woman was looking at Tidus, her mascara-coated eyelashes widening as she regarded Tidus. "Is it you?"

"Yea…" Tidus said, smiling at her. "Hey babe…"

"CHAPPU, IT REALLY IS YOU!" Lulu hugged him tightly, squeezing him while sobbing into his shoulder. Tidus took the opportunity to squeeze her asscheeks together.

"Oh Chappu, you know how much I missed that," she moaned, and kissed Tidus, smudging his dry lips with thick, purple lipstick. 

"My Yevon, Lu, that isn't Chappu!" Wakka said, getting revolted by the scene before his eyes.

"Mmmfmm… yea, whatever, Wakka…" she said in the process of unbuckling his trousers. Wakka covered his eyes.

"Ya, it isn't! He's Tidus! And please, don't make love right in front of me! I wanna eat my shoopuf soup, ya!"

"Tidus?" Lulu looked up, ignoring Tidus, who was lying on the ground, his legs wide apart, giving a, er, certain part of his body enough room. "What's that supposed to mean?"

"It's not Chappu, ya!" And with that, Lulu took a good look at Tidus. After studying his face for a drawled out twenty seconds, she looked down to a big bulge coming from his pants. Glaring, she raised one of her 4-inch heeled shoes and stomped – HARD.


End file.
